watersports

he's peeing in the water.

i know this cause pee is warm. i know that cause he's standing right next to me.

"did you just go potty big guy," i ask?

he looks up at me with wide eyes that ask how i could possibly know that.

"nuh uh," he lies in my face.

if we weren't in a pool i'd pick a direction and swim until i struck land, hopefully far from the pool pee'er. instead i let the kid hit me in the head with a water noodle. fair trade off.

taking a moment to look at this unfortunate scene from outside myself, i laugh at how creepy it would look if anyone other than the kid could see me. children running about and jumping in the pool. water guns shooting water bullets. giggling. crying. and me, a half naked overweight man right in the middle of the whole affair. the clown makeup i had on has by now run down my face and stomach. i'm a blotchy white horror villain. a makeup wearing pervert to those who don't know i despise every moment in the pool.

my name is merlin, and i've been an imaginary friend for all of my existence. where's the comiseration, the clapping? what, no cookies or coffee or hugging and consoling?

"marco," the kid yells at me, his eyes closed.

"polo," i reply, right next to him.

he tags me and giggles. "your turn."

i close my eyes, "marco."

the fucking kid giggles loudly as he runswims away. "polo."

he's five feet over, hiding behind a skinny person. i can see him because i'm cheating. i cheat because i hate this game and i hate this kid. i hate this kid because he's fat and ugly. and obnoxious. and he smells. i despise him.

i don't move an inch. "marco," i call again.

"polo," still behind the skinny guy.

"you're too good at this i have no idea where you are can you give me a hint you're a ninja," i call to him.

this makes him giggle. the kids a narcissist. he has terrible taste.

"i'm behind you," he yells. he's not behind me. he's lying to someone who's supposed to have his eyes closed.

"here i come," i say. i turn around and walk away from him, which i find exhilerating. what a champ, giving me a break.

i look over my shoulder in time to see him failing to lift himself out of the pool.

maybe he'll slip and break something.

then he slips and catches his teeth on the concrete. his teeth break in multiple places. i actually feel kinda bad. the only thing he's good at is eating.

"marco," i try.

the kid cries in reply.